Excuses, Excuses... and then a Purpose.

I like excuses. They keep me from doing things I'm scared to do, things I know I should do, things I want to do; they keep me from being vulnerable.

I'm really good at coming up with excuses, and trust me, I've used them all at least once. twice. a few hundred times. I'm also really good at ideas. I have lots of them all the time. They run through my mind constantly like Olympic-qualifying, record-crushing track phenomenons. And those ideas spawn dreams and plans, but before they can grow to realities, they die at the hands of my excuses. It's quite pathetic, much like my analogies.

The sad part is it's all true and I know it about myself, but I've never been willing to change. Changing takes work. It's hard, it takes effort and, most of all, it takes accountability- all things that I've never been fond of. Please don't misunderstand, though, it's not because I like being lackadaisical, but because I don't want to fail and in my mind you can't fail if you just don't try in the first place. Seems like an easy concept, right? Wrong. It never hit me quite like the day my husband threw it in my face. He wasn't being malicious and probably didn't even realize how much he hurt me, but he did, and I'm glad.

We were having a conversation about things we wanted to do or change within our home, personal goals and goals for our family. I mentioned this blog and my dreams for starting my own business from home and made some off-handed, snarky remark about how, despite my dreaming and planning, it would never happen because none of my plans ever do.

"You're not a finisher, are you?"

The words stung like lemon juice in a papercut. I'm notorious for starting projects and not finishing them, or simply wanting to do projects that never even get started. I choked back tears (much like I am now) and, after a moment to compose myself, I replied 'no, I'm not'. He asked me why, and when I told him, he grinned and said he would always support me in anything I wanted to do and that I had no reason to fear because I'm good at everything I do. I shrugged it off, telling myself those are things a husband is supposed to say.

I pushed that day to the back of my mind. Every once in a while I'm reminded, but for the most part I've forgotten it- until the beginning of this year. You see, this year marks my 25th year of existence on this earth. I've made a lot of mistakes over the years and I've also made a lot of excuses. But it's time for a change, time for an "about-face", time to let go of those ridiculous excuses and start doing the things I know I'm supposed to do.

I started this blog with a purpose and I let it slip away with excuses, mostly that no one would care what I have to say for one reason or another. Until now. Not because I want fame or glory or recognition, but because I have a husband and children who need and depend on me to provide them with healthy, substantial meals and a happy home full of laughter and life, and most of all, want me to love them as much and more than they love me.

Here's to 2013 and living the life of a virtuous woman- with prayer, focus, love, hope, PURPOSE, and NO EXCUSES.